pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
