am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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