Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well I can't set my house on fire every night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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