my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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