But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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