Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
