o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
