They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
