Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
