i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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