Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
