Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i think my cat just said my name.
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