so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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