Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
one might say we're banned from that church
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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