i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
