I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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