hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Come on in and take your pants off
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
