dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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