Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Are my feet made of real feet?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
