After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
