ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
