that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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