Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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