I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
