I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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