I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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