I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
