i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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