Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
