So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
