omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
