I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
