If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
