I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
