I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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