I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
