I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
