Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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