I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he fucked my hip out of place.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
