i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
