Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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