I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
