I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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