4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
