Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Found the puke drawer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
