What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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