Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize