i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
