I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Are we in a gay sports bar?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I supernannyed him into submission
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
