Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Plan B is the new Plan A
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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