my room smells like sperm. sweet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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