his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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