i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
