What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
