Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
