Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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