Have you finally orgasmed yet?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
