i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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