I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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