She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
