I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
