hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Me too!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
