it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
