I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
