It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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