She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
