I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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