Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
