it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
