Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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