I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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