it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
