That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
