Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
