thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize