Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
