I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
