I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
