Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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