That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize