So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
