Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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