I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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