I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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