You really coming over, don't trick.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
