I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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