i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
In America we eat man semen.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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