I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
