omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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